The Hardest Decision
by Rowena Bensel
Summary: The hardest decision Mikoto Hawke ever had to make was what to do with Anders after he blew up the Chantry. He was one of her best friends, with whom she'd shared confidences, debating points of his manifesto, helped him heal in his clinic. But at the same time, he was a murderer, had used her to aid him in this, and has sparked devastation to which she saw no end.


_Set in the same canon as the Amileah Trevelyan One-Shots, which includes three Heroes of Ferelden, and five Hawke siblings (Twins Mikoto (Mage) and Jackson (Warrior), a middle Rogue sibling, and then Bethany and Carver). The middle sibling was killed in the prologue, Carver joined the Wardens in the Deep Roads, and Bethany was taken to the Circle. Mikoto is the Champion of Kirkwall for dueling the Arishok, and thus events come to the destruction of the Chantry..._

* * *

Mikoto's mind had stopped. From the moment she saw Anders light up with Vengeance, everything seemed to be happening on the other side of a glass cage. She heard Meredith call for the Right of Annulment and Orsino's protest. She gave her side on instinct, declaring her intent to help her fellow mages. Meredith ordered her Templars to hold them back while she gave the order. Jackson and Bethany went to warn the mages in the Gallows. The short fight afterwards was a sweep up, and then Orsino left, making her decide Anders's fate.

She didn't know what to think of the man. Ever since she'd walked into his clinic to request his maps and his companionship for the expedition, they had been fast friends. He saveds Carver's life, finding the Wardens in the Roads. They'd shared confidences, compared Circle life to that of an apostate. Many a night they'd spent discussing his manifestos, her own words included in them on occasion. But recently he'd withdrawn. He would skip Wicked Grace nights at the Estate or the Hanged Man. He worked later and later in the clinic, many nights refusing Mikoto's help. He'd been so evasive about the potion he asked her to help with, and then the request to distract Elethina came, but she'd wanted to have faith in him. And now he was a murderer, had made her an accessory, and seemed to have to only a little remorse. He wished to be a martyr.

The knife was in her hands almost before she registered pulling it from her boot. Just behind her she had Fenris on one side, Sebastian on the other. _You know what must be done_ , Sebastian demanded. _He wants to die._ _Kill him and be done with it_ , Fenris advised. The others' urgings bounced in her ears. _Bold plan, well I thought so. Sincerity doesn't justify… this. He should come with us. Do what he can to put things right. I'm just tired of Templars and mages._

"Whatever you do, just do it," Anders said, his voiced resigned, as if he had already guessed what her answer would be.

She looked at Anders. He just sat there, head bowed, still as a statue but for his breathing. His hair fell about his shoulders, except the top part he pulled back into his tail. His staff lay on the ground at his feet, just out of reach. His coat... she had made him that coat. Spent several nights sewing on the feathers and clasps, even as Jackson joked she'd hadn't spent half as long on Fenris's gift. She'd presented it to Anders for Satinalia just that last year, and he'd accepted it with the biggest smile she'd seen in almost a year. Had he been planning this even then?

Mikoto looked at the blade. Black metal with an etched smith's mark above the simple hilt and a few nicks on the blade. It was one her father had given her just before he died, and she'd carried it through everything, had spilled a lot of blood with it. Would Anders's be the next?

She turned the blade in her hand, rubbed her thumb across the pommel. And she made her decision.

Her hand clenched around the hilt, she raised her arm… and threw it aside, her anger powering the force sending it across the square.

Anders flinched at the clatter, but didn't look back. Beside her, she felt Sebastian jump, and Fenris's eyes turned toward her.

"Run, Anders." Her voice was hoarse, almost a growl.

"What!?" Sebastian asked.

"What?" Anders asked, tentatively standing to look back at her.

"Run, Anders. Run fast and run far." Mikoto felt tears starting to prick at the backs of her eyes. "For the sake of our friendship, I'm sparing your life, but you must go. Run back to your Wardens, or to some far off corner of the world, but don't stop, and you best pray we never cross paths again. Because if we do, I will kill you, and avenge the people who will lose their lives because of your madness." Her hands clenched into fists so tight she felt her nails through her gloves.

"No!" Sebastian reached for her arm, but Fenris forced him away from her. "You cannot let this abomination walk free. He dies, or I am returning to Starkhaven. And I will bring such an army with me on my return that there will be nothing left of Kirkwall for these maleficarum to rule!"

"Do you really think Mikoto will let you destroy her city?" Fenris asked, his voice low with menace.

Mikoto only distantly acknowledged them. Her entire being was focused on Anders, and what he would do. He bent to retrieve his staff, and looked like he had something to say, but she cut him off with one word -

"Go."

Harsh, hoarse, barely a whisper, but it held the force of a dragon's roar.

Anders took a step back, then another, and then he was running, as fast as his legs could carry him, across the square, and then he was gone, disappeared into the streets of Hightown.

"No!" Sebastian finally broke free from Fenris's grip, moving to stand before Mikoto. "You may have spared his life today, but I swear to you, I will find your precious Anders. I will show him what true justice is." He stormed away, and if Mikoto's eyes started to well with tears, she couldn't tell you which friendship they were for.

"We'd all best get to the Gallows, and quick," Varric said. "It's going to be quite a show."

The Gallows. Orsino. Meredith. The Annulment. Bethany and Jackson.

Mikoto turned, her hands unlimbering her staff from her back. "Let's go." Maybe she could save some of the lives Anders had made forfeit.


End file.
